Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Please pray for this little baby girl. I had my OB appt. today and doctor is concerned with her lack of weight gain. Basically, my placenta is not doing it's job. To say that I'm freaked out is an understatement. I'm on bedrest- doc's orders, and so hopefully my body can focus it's energy and blood on the baby.

My church's mother's group and the former retreat group are organizing some meals, and a schedule for the children for the next two weeks. That will be a huge help.

Mainly, what I need from you all are your prayers. Please storm heaven for our little daughter's healthy growth.


Monday, August 21, 2006

my husband fulfilled my dreams tonight...

You see, I've had this fantasy of owning a Honda Odyssey for about 3 years. It was red for awhile- than it was colorless- and all about the space. Room enough to transport a friend and her kid if I needed to. Our family car has been the VW Passat. With two big car seats in the back, you can't fit anything (or anyone) else back there. Now with baby on the way, my husband has come to terms with our needing a larger vehicle.

I have to brag on him. I'm so proud of how he patiently pounded the pavement all day Saturday, than drove home with a van for me to "check out" that night. I loved it. But it had too many miles on it and we wanted to get the most out of our "new to us" used minivan. So, back to the dealership it went. And so went Gino, back to the dealerships. Today, he found it. An '04 with 32k miles. He whittled that price down to exactly what we could afford!!!! Leather interior. DVD player. super condition!

I am a very happy minivan mom!

Now, about that. I have been a VWpassat driver for over 5 years. I always figured that when I wasn't toting kids along, I had a secret image. People could mistake me for some hot-to-trot woman who went to a sophisticated job everyday. They might even wonder if I was available- because of that yuppy look...

But. No. MORE. I am now the driver of a minivan. I must have at least 3 kids and be married. Now I will have to settle for the "just another mom" with a mission (feed the kids and get to wherever on time) image.

That's okay. I'm really REALLY okay with that. Remember, I fantasized about this moment.

Monday, August 14, 2006


We live in Gino's hometown. Meaning, he's lived here since he was 5 years old. I am a military brat. Meaning, I never lived anywhere longer than 4 years. I've lived in Arizona, Panama, Texas (3 times, 3 different cities), California, Oklahoma, Ohio, Massachussetts... I think that's all of 'em. Going to college for my four year degree was the longest I stayed in one place- because it took 4.5 years.

So, what's my point? Well, it seems that most social things Gino and I do have to do with friends or colleagues of his. Now, granted, I'm a SAHM, so I don't have any colleagues that I see every day. Yes, there are plenty of SAHM that I am good friends with, and I would love to hang out with them more- but I'm afraid they're doing the same thing. Socializing with their spouse's peers.

I get the added bonus of socializing with one of Gino's friends that I see at a wedding shower... fast forward three years, and we get an invite to their two-year old's birthday party. I just have to ask- why oh why would you invite me and my family to your son's birthday party when I haven't seen you in three years- and before that, never??!! Or invited to a wedding of a friend that he knew in highschool, and hasn't seen since?? (15 years ago!)

I just don't get it.

So, I guess this comes down to this: this is my husband's hometown. He has childhood/elementary/highschool/college buddies that live around here. And they like to keep in touch. Which is sweet and all that....

Maybe I'm jealous. Maybe I yearn for that relationship with a deep or, at least long, past. Who knows. In the meanwhile, I'll try to get over myself and grin and bear it. Maybe someday we'll have lived here long enough (seven years so far) that I'll feel like it's my hometown. What makes your town feel like home to you?

Saturday, August 12, 2006


Lately, I've been in a pregnancy funk. Can you get ppd before the baby arrives? It's because my due dates are nearing and I'm confronted with the fact that I won't deliver between Sept 12-25, like originally planned with the twins. Now my due date is Oct. 7. Brutal.

And I just miss having baby Henry inside me.

And I wish we had a name for this little girl still alive and kicking.

I took the kids to the sprinkler park this morning. Gino had to work, and we were all going stir-crazy. I decided to forgo the support hose for this little outing, and we all got on our swimsuits. Sprinkler parks are a marvelous thing. Lots of different spraying gizmos on a soft pavement spewing lots of water. Very fun. Anyhow, there was a mom with a double stroller...and as she got closer, I could see two very very new babies reclined in the stroller-one in pink, the other in blue. I'm glad I was wearing my sunglasses. I felt so sad and incomplete and truly lost. It surprises me sometimes, the grief that I feel towards the loss of my baby. And yet... I still have a healthy, vibrant baby, growing inside.

Friday, August 11, 2006

happy friday

this morning I set a record in our family... out the door with both kiddos, dressed, eaten, and grocery list in hand!!! (trumpet sounds galore)
We were home by 10! Which is about the time I start thinking I need to get to the grocery store. It was a glorious feeling. And even better- the temp. was not yet 90!
So, I had a weird/sweet encounter with my bagger at the store. The Kroger's I like to shop at employs all kinds. There are a few, like my bagger today, who have downs syndrome. Ricky was very smiley as he carefully placed the food in the bags and loaded our cart back up. As we headed out to the parking lot, he just kept smiling and looking at my baby bump. He patted his stomach and said, "baby?" "yep," I said. Now, he is pushing a cart with all my groceries, and I am pushing the cart with my kiddos (the big SUV cart). We are walking side by side and he keeps walking towards me, while pushing the cart, and looking at my tummy, smiling. Than he reaches out- (oh no) he hesitates- comes closer- and pats my tummy. What can I do? I just smile, and say, "this baby's getting big!" I'm embarassed and caught off guard and touched by his genuine curiousity. Okay, so we get to my car, he is loading the food and I am loading the kids. I am in the middle of buckling my 3yo when he finishes, comes around the side of the car and says, "see you later". Than he pats my tummy again! This time he says, "beautiful"- in a kind of sigh. Very sweet. And this time, the annoyance I felt earlier, left me. Immediately I knew that he truly appreciated the preciousness of this life. I drove out of the parking lot reflecting on the beauty of him. And the beauty of this pregnancy.