Sunday, June 11, 2006

Back in the Saddle again...

Holding my reins once more... la la la... you know the rest...

After a brief and much needed hiatus from posting, but never from lurking, I am rejoining the world of bloggers. I miss the strange and oddly intimate companionship that one finds when one bears one's thoughts and feelings online. So, I'm going to just, in a wierd way, please-bare-with-me, catch up my blogger friends.

So. Hi! How are you? I haven't called, but I have thought about it so many times. I'm doing okay. I have my good days and bad days. After we lost one of our twins, I deleted the previous blog... not really wanting to associate myself with myself. Strange, I know. Anyhow, it's been a month and each day gets better. Except when I run into a friend who has not heard the news. Than it's really awful. Like a slap in the face.

"You don't look like you're carrying twins!!"

"I'm not- we lost one of our babies last month."

ackward pause...


if they're really smart, they'll stop right there with an,
"I'm so sorry, I did not know or I certainly would not have brought it up."

if they're really idiots they'll want to know all kinds of things about the loss, like what happens to the baby, or worse, how did the doctor tell us...

Now- I have some very close friends who absolutely asked me these things in the first few days. That is okay... I was still very much in a dense fog of grief and reliving those moments with our doctor constantly. But from someone that I haven't seen in 6 months?? In the middle of a party?

Anyhow, his name was Henry. I think we would have called him Hank. So, Hank is our special family saint in heaven. I ask him to pray for his twin sister every day- and the rest of us, too.

In re-reading my post, please know that I am ever-grateful for your prayers and I hope it's not weird or anything. I just needed to get that out there- because when last we talked... we were on the verge of twins.

So, now, I am 23 weeks along. Baby Girl is kicking and wriggling around. She is absolutely adored in utero by her big sister. Kiddo will come up to me with a cheese stick and say, "mama, my sister needs a snack, so eat this." or a glass of water saying, "mama, my little baby is thirsty, drink this." Today, she scolded me for lifting up her 2yo brother, Spikey. "Mama, you cannot lift him! That will hurt the baby!"

ay-yi-yi! so maternal at age 3.5!

So, right now... my house is a mess. It is driving me CRAZY. Dinner dishes on the table, food on the stove, toys scattered like a Spikey storm ran through them, and my husband... he's in his favorite chair watching his team, the Dallas Mavericks beat the Heat in the NBA finals. And me.. well, I'm spending some quality time online, of course!

Fe and Rika- y'all better get back in the groove and start posting your random thoughts.

I'm sure I probably lost the rest of my bloggin' buddies- but if you happen by- just give me a shout. It does so much for the ego.

Now, I'm going to try and make sense out of the mess around here, and than treat myself to some pistachio gelato that I bought for me alone and my Gino knows nothin' about it!! hee hee!! :)

6 comments:

Mary Poppins NOT said...

Hey there Veronica. I am so sorry about your loss. I will light some extra candles for you and your entire family. Love is never wasted, and in eternity all will be joy. Blessing to you!

veronica said...

Thank you, Renee.

Jennifer said...

Oh Veronica, I am so sorry for the loss of your twin.

Do you know Rachel at "Finding Wonder in the Mundane"? She lost a twin early on, too.

Glad that you are back to blogging.

Alexa said...

I am sorry R. So sorry. My twin brother's name was Kurt and he died when he was six years old. Hank and he have a lot in common, don't cha think? I am sure they are playing some Heavenly form of Hotwheels up there! I will keep you and your family in my prayers. And so will Kurt.
Would you like a brand new template? I'm getting a lot better at this now. Just say the word!
Thanks for coming back to blogging too...I'll readd you to the blogroll!

Stevie said...

Wow - I was cleaning up bookmarks and clicked on this one just before deleting it while thinking how sad I was that you were not posting anymore. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it up and running! I'm so glad you're back. I love reading what you write - it never fails to move me. I am sorry about Hank. I pray for you and your family often! Love you!

Fe said...

I'm glad you're back!