Saturday, August 12, 2006

Saturday

Lately, I've been in a pregnancy funk. Can you get ppd before the baby arrives? It's because my due dates are nearing and I'm confronted with the fact that I won't deliver between Sept 12-25, like originally planned with the twins. Now my due date is Oct. 7. Brutal.

And I just miss having baby Henry inside me.

And I wish we had a name for this little girl still alive and kicking.

I took the kids to the sprinkler park this morning. Gino had to work, and we were all going stir-crazy. I decided to forgo the support hose for this little outing, and we all got on our swimsuits. Sprinkler parks are a marvelous thing. Lots of different spraying gizmos on a soft pavement spewing lots of water. Very fun. Anyhow, there was a mom with a double stroller...and as she got closer, I could see two very very new babies reclined in the stroller-one in pink, the other in blue. I'm glad I was wearing my sunglasses. I felt so sad and incomplete and truly lost. It surprises me sometimes, the grief that I feel towards the loss of my baby. And yet... I still have a healthy, vibrant baby, growing inside.

3 comments:

Fe said...

Hi R! Just a little note to let you know that I'm tinking about and praying for you.

R said...

Oh, I know those feelings so well. They will always be there when you see twins; it's just not as stark a pain as you feel now.

I know exactly how it feels. Sometimes I will look up twin clothes in her size on ebay, just to see what they could have worn. Don't even know why I do it, I just do.

Doesn't have to be explained.

Faith said...

Hi, Veronika- just happened upon your blog- was looking for a young Catholic mother. (Does that sound wierd?) We lost our first child Miriam from SIDS- and though I have a 4 and 2 year old, am pregnant (due any day)- surrounded by so much life and love- there are days that I just sob about it. The day she died my heart just broke-- my husband's too- thankfully we have a strong faith but we've learned it's alright to grieve. I will pray for you and the little one you are carrying-- I'm so sorry that you lost Henry. Tragedy makes us stronger but it feels like it makes us weaker- I know. God bless- glad I found this site.